时机

你是对的人，却在错的时候，错的地点出现.....

爱情的开始，需要的不只是感觉，更重要的是时间。

高中的爱情，对父母来说是错，感觉在反对下会渐渐消磨。
错误的爱情，对两人来说是伤害，鼓起勇气拥抱反而会刺伤对方。

为了爱情，伤害了父母，值得吗？当爱情的快乐倒塌了，甜蜜毁坏了，我们究竟还剩下什么呢？父母永远都是这世上最不会离弃我们的。我的老师曾经告诉我，更你渡过余生的是你的另一半，你的父母总会离开的，你必须自己决定你的未来，不要让人左右你的人生。没错，但我的上半生是谁成功建立给我的，我无忧的生活，都是我的父母给我的。如果那男人无法说服我父母，无法等到我们成长的时候，那他值得吗？值得我为了他去和我父母吵架吗？我爸爸永远都是我最最最重要的人，有人说，爸爸的规定，我全都跟从，很笨蛋！可是，我不觉得！他是我爸爸，他不会伤害我的。

错过那个人，是很遗憾，但更多的是庆幸不是吗？因为他等不了，只是证明了他对我的爱不够坚定。

三者的爱情，对三人来说是错，爱情会变成恨。
错误的爱情，双人的床，三个人显得太拥挤。

一个朋友 J，明明有了男朋友，却还是喜欢上另一个男生H。而H坚持“每个人都有权利追求自己的幸福”。两个人，就在正牌男友不知道的情况下开始了属于他们自己两个的爱情。他们是很幸福，但那个被蒙在鼓里的呢？J说，只要一天没结婚，她都有权利做最好的选择。我不懂谁对谁错，我不是法官。可是，我坚持，爱情是对等对称的。渐渐地，H无法忍受他只是一个地下情人，就算当初的他为了她是愿意的。渐渐地，他要求越来越多，他看到正牌男友和J在面子书上甜蜜的合照，他不能公开的表现出他的妒忌。若他在J和正牌男友的POST留下任何的留言，会被骂。渐渐地，他的爱情被失望消磨了，他向J提出了分手，J无法接受。J说，既然你不能忍受，为什么当初你还要和我开始，你已经知道了不是吗？你难道不能为我坚持吗？

我今天告诉J，H有新的女朋友，J还是会伤心，很伤心。可是，她依然选择贪心的希望拥有两个，J贪恋正牌给的热情，H给的体贴。J希望他们两者都能合一，可是他们是个体，不是吗？J曾经告诉我，当她和H在一起过后，她不能忍受正牌的亲吻。谢谢J，她让我相信，心不能分成两半。尽管她对爱情的态度并不纯洁。

初恋的爱情，对两人来说是难忘，爱情永远停留在那回忆中。
甜蜜的爱情，往后的追忆，是苦涩抑是甜蜜？

我朋友问我，为什么，我们已经分手了，我还是会想她呢？就算她有了男朋友。其实，我也希望有人能帮我解答。另一个朋友则说，我还是很喜欢我的初恋，就算后来我和别的女生在一起，但我知道我还是喜欢她，当初的我们并不是在性格不合的情况下而分手，而是因为父母的反对。

就因为没能真正地走到最后，这不值得是吗？感觉依然存在。他说已过了那么多年，不确定自己和对方还有没有机会，尤其在他跟对方的好朋友在一起过后。他说自己笨，兜兜转转才发现，在自己心里的依旧是最初的那个人。我说，你要等到你确定的时候在告诉她吗？万一她有了新的男朋友呢，你怎么办？那时候，时机再也不会站在你这边，就算被拒绝了，你也不会有遗憾了不是吗？

其实想一想当初的自己也是很勇敢的，喜欢就说，就算结局不是我能控制的，但是目前为止，我的人生还是没有因为爱情而导致的遗憾。不要在意别人的眼光，勇敢点。就算外人认为你很随便，很恶心，可是你对得起自己不是吗？

A post starting with a BAD word

CIBAI. The days before today were definitely not the days of me. Lady luck was not with me. I lost my wallet on the 1st day of 2012, and today today, although I was not really a victim, but this incident does spoil my mood. MALAYSIA, why are you not so harmony as other countries be. I didn't require you be 100% safe country among the world, but at least, 90%. What the hell is happening on the public security recently? NAJIB, can you don't fucking hell approve those foreign workers who do not get the REAL working permit exist in Malaysia? MY REAL is have to undergo lots of interview, and confirm they didn't have any conviction record in their mother country. I do understand they need to earn money for their family, and MALAYSIA is a not bad choice for them to work here! But how about the people in MALAYSIA, how about our safety!! Do you even care about our feelings and safety! FUUU! You this mother fucker. LOL. Guess that I am going to in jail if he read this post one day! BUT now I don't really give a damn on him!!

You guys know what had happened on my HOUSE today, a masked black man robbed my housemate! What the hell right? My housemate was sitting in the living room with her laptop on, the black man without DICK (Don't ask me why I know it! I know it because I do believe only man without DICK will do this cheap thing!) CAME inside my house without PERMISSION, and he TOOK my housemate's laptop without asking her PERMISSION also. And this mother fucker without dick still used a knife to threaten my housemate. And, he just flee away with his partner on motorcycle after that!! And it's 8.30pm

I can't believe our country is so so so so mull, so shameful!!! I am so jealous of my Hong Kong friend who can't simply hang out without locked her door for a day! It's just blink of eyes, the robber came into my house. After I went out with my parents, the mother fucker came inside already. CIBAI.

PS: Take care for you safety, make sure you lock your door, even though you just wanna leave your house for 1 minute!

I curse you!! You will not get rich in your entire life!!! Your wage will only be RM0.10 for the rest of your life!!

A rushing day

I had requested the cutest panda in the world to help me out on essay for Uni application, and he called me go to his house on Saturday night to discuss about it. HAHAHA. And I was so lazy to move out from my room, so I had rejected and promise him I will go Saturday morning, which was yesterday. Guess what. I ended up with overslept, because I sleep at morning. I woke up at 2pm, and rushed to take bath. After things well-prepared, I lapped my car to his house. BUT a 50 minutes journey, ended up using 2 hours+. THE GPS BORROWED from my housemate was noob I guessed. Actually.. is me noob. I am bad in recognize road, I always lost my direction. And I still had to wait for Huan Chin saves me at the end. And when I reached his home, it is 6.15pm, and he had to prepare for his friend's birthday party = We done nothing at all. Yeah! :(


Since, he was going to his friend's birthday party, I shouldn't stay in his home alone, so I was kicked out his house by him. LOL. And I was feeling hungry that time, I was so pity. AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DRIVE BACK NILAI WITHOUT FILLING UP MY HUNGRY. So, I called Qiu Li for having a dinner with me, but she have test on today, she was busying for the revision, so I was rejected. Luckily, she told me Yee Ling is still in KL!!!!! I thought she went back Alor Star. And I had been scolded by her, because I said I will call her for an outings at last weekend. HAHAHAHA! Sorry lah Yee Ling. I had chatted a lots with her, uhm. more than 2 hours I think. hahaha!! Memories were flashing in my brain. YEE LING, 你现在很有女人味！赞！

Here's the photo we taken when we were Form 2 for a trip, I guess. Forgot to take picture last night. Whatever, I realized we have changed a lots. Our skins are fairer now. LOL. 


Planning for a sunshine and beaches trip. Will take plenty of pictures, I swear. You know I know Yee Ling is a professional photographer, so I think I will have many nice photos throughout the trip! Stay tuned. :)

Reality is hurt.

Just wanna tell I got insomnia again. Really feel tired of all the things. Reality always hurts people, escaped from it or face it, chosen by us.

Afraid of facing others. Only those who love me understand me and stay beside me.

I can't stop being emo. Why? Why? Why? But at least I will not cry for people who are not worthy anymore! I swear I would not do it anymore!!!!! I will only treat them in this way >>>

Youngest brother

Yes!! As picture and title shown, today I'm gonna to blog about my youngest brother- Yee Shan. I love him! He is the smallest among our four, after me. I am the 3rd. Good!! I have one sister, and two brothers. I can say I am blessed, my oldest sister and younger brother love me, and they always protect what I like what I want, and I have one youngest brother to let me "bully". hahaha! I always call him do things for me, but I swear I didn't treat him as a slave, just as a maid. *evil laugh*

I can't tell how much thankful I am to have this youngest brother, I would like to thank my parents who brought him into my life. He always been there whenever I need him, he will cheer me up when I am sad. He is 15 years old now, and I am 19. You guys believe not, I can chat a phone call with him more than one hour, we can talk everything, my friends, his friends, and even his girlf, but he already broken up with his girlf.

I still remember, when I quarreled with my mum, he was the one who supported me, especially when my mum wanna slap me, he stood in front of me, just like a knight of me. Frankly speaking, I had also the period of rebellion, just like any teenager would have. I talked without manners, and I could say my attitude sometimes make my mum wanna kill me and throw me into the sea and teared by the shark into pieces. Of course, I am better now. I am stepping into adult world. 2 more years to graduate and participate in the labor force.

Back to the topic, I like to travel with him also, we can talk a lots and do crazy things along the trip to make our family members laugh. Feel like we were clowns! :p

I still remember when I was crying because of friendship problem, he knew I was damn sad, he hugged me and cried together with me. Such a sweet brother, right. I know he can feel my pain that time. He will cook sometimes, the horrible memory was he fried eggs with Milo one time, taste YUCKS.  We like to look around for foods, and eat until our stomaches look exactly like 3 months pregnancy. LOL. I am so jealous toward him, he is so slim, and fat always like to find me, I guess his fat has came to my place. XD

When I was form 2, my family all move to Perak, and I required to stay in Kedah as I can't adapt the environment there. Not even reach 3 months, he phoned me and told me he misses me, and he cried. My heart was bleeding that time, and two of us heard each other crying sound through the phone.

I will tell my brother everything happens in my life, whatever sad or happy. Some of my secrets only be knew by him among the family members. I am missing him now, can't wait to go back hometown to gather with him, and have a heart-chatting.

Oh yea. Our last sentence before ended the phone always be "Bye bye, I love you"

Lastly, I wanna shout out loudly: Baby, jie jie ai ni! yao guai guai du shu! Sayang!! <3

EX

Everyone can't escape the fate of being another's ex. Ex brought a lots of memories for us, bitter, sweet, happy, sad, and upset. We can say that, we can't forget who was ours ex. Maybe you will forget someone you liked, but ex will not, he exists in your memories, you exist in his memories.

Someone told me he can't put down his ex-girlf, he still misses her, but what can I help him. I am not him, I can't TOTALLY understand his feelings, I never been through the memories he created with his ex-girlf. Even though, I always told him, you must put down, you must forget her, you deserve better. But I wonder when can he do it, and sometimes I feel guilty to told him so. What I gave him was just a simple console, I am not sure whether he will think that I am only skimp on him not. But what I really wanna tell him is, be happy as far as you can. You know I will always support you right? :) You know who you are.

LOL. My ex. ZZZZZ. Not a good topic. I never had a good relationship before. The shortest, 3 hours. NOT REALLY WANNA TALK ABOUT HIM. The deepest one, is puppy love lah of course. Feeling so awkward to tell about him at here, actually I am not sure whether we had started or not. *bang wall*.

Frankly speaking, I need more courageous to start a relationship. I will regret after accept someone. NOT BECAUSE I THINK I AM CHARMING, ATTRACTIVE, AND I WILL GET WHAT I WANT EASILY. I am not a playgirl okay. I just have too many things need to take into consider, my family and our future. I don't want hurt my dad, and I don't want quarrel with my daddy because of a boy. My friends who knew me know that my dad loves me, and he always give me what he can give, the best he can give. I told him I want study overseas, he will work hard to save money for me, even he is in stress he never told me, but I can feel, I can know it. I can understand my dad scares that I will neglect my study after having a boyf. I also can't 100% GUARANTEE I can concentrate on my study after I have a boyf. FUTURE, the most important. I know it is ridiculous to think so far when I was in secondary school, but I can't stop myself to think about our future, and sometimes I can say it was over, I think until the marriage. You guys can imagine the ending, I ended up with single. Think too much right. I know it is hard to have a relationship which over lasting, but I just which that I can have it, maybe it is a fairy tale, I still want and believe it.

Tell you guys something, if someone I like him 1st, or to be secretly in love with tell me he likes me, I will ran away, and start to hate him. No reason. Just scared. Not by the person, but by a relationship. I have relationship phobia.

I am over-worry right? But still, single life is enjoyable although sometimes feel sad that no one can be hugged, kissed and the most important no one can miss when you 1st open your eyes in a day or before sleep!

爱还是寂寞。

我常常在想，当你拿起手机，渴望一个人发短信给你的时候，那是不是代表你爱上那个人了呢？还是你只是怀念那种与他互发短信的感觉，或者说，他能把你的寂寞除去的感觉。相信我，青春期的女生总会把爱和喜欢混淆，这是每个女生都必须经历过的过程。

你有没有那种以为自己很爱某个人的感觉，但当他属于了某个人，你发觉到你并不如想象中的那么痛，那么伤，过些时日，你还是会恢复到你以往的生活模式，别人以为你爱的很潇洒，你自己也以为你自己是个拿得起放得下的人。但当你长了岁月、智慧，你会发现到，原来你当初爱的，是他的陪伴，不是他的人。

如果说，与一个男人互发短信有了些时日，就算爱上那个人，那当初的我不就爱上很多人。其实当时的我只是喜欢有人陪伴的感觉，是我把感觉复杂化。男女之间真的会有纯友谊的，不一定会某一方会爱上某一方的。

现在的女生并不比以前的笨，反而聪明了许多，但有一点就是他妈的没长进，就是会为所爱的男人付出一切。有些女生还是会因为“如果你爱我，就给我”这句话愚蠢地付出自己这一生最珍贵的东西，给了就忘不了了，一生都会往不了当初那个在你心上刻上深深的印的男人。过些时日，某些不负责任的男人，会因为腻了，而把女生甩掉，某些没品的，会到处宣扬那女的是有多随便，多容易让人上。拜托，你讲这句话之前，有没有想过你当初是怎样把人家哄上床的，你不负责任，稍微可以得到人家的原谅，但你那么没品，你就应该下地狱。久了，每个人都会把传言越传越难听，说到那女人就有如潘金莲那么淫荡。久了，那女人就会觉得，反正我的名誉都被破坏地彻底了，我怎样做好，别人还是会用以往的眼光看我，那我干嘛要变好。身边的人就会发觉到，她的男友，通常都是前男友的好朋友，而前前男友又是前前前男友的好朋友。这种例子，我遇过。以前，我也是在想，为什么那女孩为什么要这样地做贱自己，当我长大了，我顿然发现，当初导致她那样做的原因，不就是因为我们这些旁观者加诸在她身上的谣言吗？

真正爱你的人，会为你好，不会以爱为借口，要你奉献你最宝贵的东西。女生也要学习保护自己最珍贵的东西，把东西留给值得的男人。或许你会觉得那男人值得，但是给了就要负责人。没了那一层不代表你是个婊子，没必要觉得自己的人生毁了。

愿，心中有这种痛的女人可以坚强。:)

English.Chinese.Feelings.Life

I do not really like blogging in English, not because I hate English, just feel that I can't express WELL what I think and I want through English, as Chinese is my mother tongue *laugh* Lecturers told: You guys should have journal writing everyday in ENGLISH to improve yours English, you guys English sucks. Fine. I admit it, and there's why I got a low band score for my IELTS. Should work hard on the next English paper, TOEFL. Most people told me, TOEFL will be harder, oh shit, I can't imagine how much I will suffer throughout the day, that is April 14. 

Hrmmmmmmmmm... 

And I always trying to make my blog more interesting by the way record my daily life through pictures, and I am failed. Probably, this caused by my life was boring, and I didn't have the habits to bring camera when outings and snap all things on those days. So, the people who follow my blog will find out I mostly blogging about my FEELINGS, not LIFE. And, I decided to maintain my STYLE. *winks*

Continue to the next post, hahaha.. 

Memories.

It is 5.12am now. And I'm still awake. I don't know why I can't have a proper and nice sleep recently. Or I should say can't have a good sleep when I was am I Nilai. Maybe back to here, a place which symbolized as a for of stress for me, which caused by STUDY stuffs. I know I'm bad, I never try my best in everything, study, relationship, and friendship. What I will do when one of these appear any crack is give up. I am a person who will really give up things easily, and I admit it. Should talk about my IELTS speaking test here, haha. I'm failed. I can't speak Nnglish very smoothly in front or behind people. Maybe I'm lack of confidence? I think so. ._. Bad dreams happened.I dislike it. Sin Jo, you know what am I talking about right? qiu Li, I am dry, and I agree it. Because, I will recall the old times when I was hearingnthe old songs. Just like the emoness overwhelms me in one second. But I guess I am getting better right now, at least I will not cry without any reason at midnight right now. Friends always stand an important place in my heart. I am a person who hard to make friend, if I make friend with you, I mean heart with heart, I will treat you as my best friend. Only two choices for me, one the best friend, one the normal fiend. Best will be best best best friend! :D That's why I hard to find a friend in INTI. Lol. I think in this world, only a few people know me very well and I appreciate them. Huan Chin Chan, you jerk. You always didn't comply with your promise. Wtf.    