Counting down

I am counting down the date, leaving Malaysia soon. I am so excited, yet feeling so strange. 

Wish everything will be okay. 

I miss my friends. 

郁可唯《好朋友只是朋友》

Er. This is a nice song, really. The lyrics are so meaningful, and really touch my heart. But a few lyrics really not suitable for my thinking, so I deleted them automatically.

Trust me, you must read through those comments under this video on Youtube website. You can find different stories there, and having different feelings when you read through those comment, happy, repentant, and sad.

Fyi :

"好朋友!!

我現在終於可以叫你寶貝了:)) "

"好朋友,您的心意,我真的不能接受,,,, 只因我也愛上了我的好朋友了;.. 每晚陪他到凌晨,朝早上課卻不停地打瞌睡. 眼睛變了熊貓.被家人罵. 雖然如此,可每天都還在期待今天屬於您,和我的晚上, 我們每晚都有聊不盡的話題. 可回到學校,我卻不能正面的找您聊天. 因為,您真的很完美很完美.. 我們認識了多久? 1年?2年?3年?,呵呵, 我想您也忘了,其實我們認識了5年了:) 您知道,我每晚隔著手機.隔著電腦, 不停的告訴您,我很愛很愛您! 可現在,我們卻連朋友都不如. 對.您走了,!您食言了!您說您會回來! 可,現在呢? 在街上遇到,您裝作不認識,那,我也只能裝作不在乎;.. 身邊的朋友以為我放下了,我也以為自己,已經放下了. 可,聽了這首歌,想起從前的一切,眼睛還是忍不住要下雨了.. 您知道嗎,? 我真的以為自己已經放下您了,,, 可,眼淚騙不過自己.. 我想您!我愛您啊!您聽得見嗎?!!! 我想您. "

"坐在你的身邊 就覺得很幸福

唯一的遺憾 是我不能對你說我愛妳

那種想說不能說的悲傷 妳懂嗎?

全世界最遠的距離 真的是我就在妳面前 妳卻不知道 我愛你...

保持距離 因為 害怕有一天 被妳發現 我愛妳

我不敢去想 妳知道之後的表情 所以 一絲愛意 都不敢流露

要到什麼時候 才能伸手 擁抱妳的溫柔..."

"有時想想，都會覺得有些可惜 畢竟我們都曾經這麼靠近終點了 只是可惜，再怎麼接近 到頭來我們都只是好朋友 其實我從來都不後悔告訴你我喜歡你 也不後悔有過那些有些灰色地帶的曾經 即使當時要抽出這樣的喜歡時真的很痛苦 但如果重新再來一次 我還是會無法抗拒地再喜歡上你一次吧 這是我一定會經歷的成長過程 也許在另一個平行時空 我們會是在一起的 那這樣就夠了 至少他們會代替這時空的我們 好好幸福快樂 謝謝你的好以及不好 謝謝有你 我才會遇到另一個更適合我的人 我們都要幸福快樂!! "

"虽然多么不舍得都好，但始终我们还是输给了时间...我们败给了自己...说好会等你的，大家继续当朋友，但自己还是忍受不了这样纠缠不清的感情，多想马上弄清它...但因为开口了，大家就再也回不到从前的感情了...明知你在玩我，我也心甘情愿...怎么被爱的人都那么自私？选择伤害那个深爱着他的人，也不肯面对他...难道说清了，朋友就作不成了吗？为什么你可以那么残忍对待那个愿意用真心对你的人？失去了难道你会开心？我想我放了，一切也该到此为止，就这样吧~"

Aiya. There are many stories, just read through if you are interested.

For me, it's impossible to let me fall in love with my best friend, male and female also the same. Er. It feels so.. Uhm. DISGUSTING. From the first moment I recognize him as my best friend, it is 0% There are differences between boyfriend and male best friend. It's easier to tell your bestie your secret instead to boyfriend. Best friend is forever, boyfriend? Once you two break up, he will appears as a STRANGER in your "dictionary". Aiya. It feels weird to fall in love with your bestie. >< Why don't you just tell him you love him, and if he rejects you, just back to the normal friend. If you worry he will no longer becomes your best friend, or even friend after you told him you love him. This is bullshit. If you choose not to tell him, when he kisses and hugs his girlf in front of you, can you stand it? I can't. I really can't.  If you disguise in front of him, act like you very happy. How long can you stand for it?

It does exist PURE friendship between boys and girls. At least this really happens in my life. The feeling of having a male best friend, tell you, this is awesome. You can tell him whatever shit you want to tell, especially somethings that are really hard to express to your female friends. So, don't get blurred. Best friend will be forever best friend, it's hard for coupling. I wouldn't say it's impossible, but it's really HARD. It might take a moment, a day, a year for you to fall for your best friend, but it might take forever also. <3

It is da best if your bestie and your boyf can be friend. :)

If you can only pick one between your bestie and boyf, which one will be your choice.


OF COURE IS


IS



IS


BESTIE LAH!


HEY BESTIE, BE PROUD OKAY XD

I am stressing. I dobt know what should I pack before leaving to States. I even dreamt I didn't done all my things before the day I'm leaving. I dreamt i have many baggage and I don't know which should I use.

The days in Kedah are precious. I appreciate every moment I'm spending with my brother. I met with my bestie, E-Von. She is one of my best friends, we know since primary school, we crazy together, laugh, and cry together. WE EVEN LIKED A SAME BOY, geng enough! She is so sarcastic, now she still like to joke about me and that boy. I can't do back this on her, because she has a dear boyf now. I found one more disadvantave of single now. TT

That's all for today bye bye!

Decisions making

  I am not good in making decisions. Normally, I heard people opinions more than I picked my own opinion. I can spend many hours to think what I want. And now, I facing the biggest decision I had ever made before. What is it? Picking University to further my study. Damn. I need to think much, the environment, whether I can pass at that University or not, and the most important one is the COST. My result was not good enough to allow me apply for scholarship. Darn. I am thinking about why I didn't think to study at local University. If I'm going to Indiana University, I have to leave at August 3, this year. Seriously, I am not well prepared. My mind and ESPECIALLY my poor ENGLISH! I believe I can strengthen my survival skills when I'm there. God bless.

  Working in office for a whole day ain't comfortable. I have to stick on my chair for a few hours to key in the payment entry, open cheques for suppliers, and bla bla bla. These things need to use two softwares that I never  explored before. Microsoft Excel and Epicor, the things inside were alien symbols and languages for me two weeks before. Now, finally I understand them, and know how to communicate with them. I always learn new things throughout the process of working. Without these nice co-workers, I believe I can't learn anything. I feel thankful.

  The only thing I don't like in the company is they love "boikot", and the co-workers are separated into different groups. I thought this will only happened when we were in secondary schools, guess that I'm too innocent. I don't like this feeling. Lower class will boikot upper class, natural phenomena. Should learn to accept this, and of course you have to learn how to disguise. You don't really know who are good, or bad ones, this is the sad point.

  God. I wish you can make this world nicer, human beings state of mind can back to the time when you first created us. Lots of love. Thanks God.

World doesn't exactly same like what you had imagined.

  Parents beat us very often when we were small, perhaps we were mischievous children, and uncontrollable, so parents forced to beat us and wish to shape us into a well-behaved child. While, it never happens anymore after I enter into secondary school, and my parents love me more than others do. Although they scolded me sometimes, but I know it's my fault. Seriously, I never imagined there's someone else will scold me besides my family. 

  She is actually my superior. FYI, I'm working now. hahaha. I know I talk about it repeatedly, I am proud of myself! This is my 1st job. Okay, back to the topic. Yea! My superior had scolded me today. Seriously, I don't like Accounts Department, everyone seems very depress. They never talked to each other when working. I know this is a good matter for boss, but no for me. They are too over. The environment is too quiet, it is better if someone makes some noise when you are working, you will not feel bored, at least. I can't say I don't know anything about accounts, I learnt it in secondary school and college lives. But you know, there's always exist differences between academic and practical. Damn it's true. I didn't believe before. But now, hell yesh! I believe! I asked my co-worker before, if this really happens in life, why do people study in college? This is wasting money, we have to pay hell lots of money for tuition fee, accommodation, and even resource fee. She told me, people study for different reasons. Some people want to gain more knowledge, while some people want to get high-paid jobs. I believe working experiences are very important, but the "papers" are also very important. Today, I helped my co-workers to solve his problems. Actually I was not so good okay, just FREE. yea. Free. So, I helped him. I don't understand a transaction, so I asked another co-worker. Hell yea. I scolded by her, not really scolded, just shouted at me very loudly. Hello. I'm not the one who created the transaction, I was just asking, to solve the problem. I don't like things be done inefficiency and unproductively. So, please don't scold me. I just want to help you guys solve those problems, make the accounts have a same balance. I almost cried when I had been scolded. She shouted at me! Even my dad also never scolded me as loudly as she done! I'm damn angry that time. But still, congratulations, I didn't cry in front of her. I can't argue with people, I will cry, especially when I done nothing wrong! Today, one step closer to prove that I am growing mature. I put up with, and endure, forced my tears back to my eyes. Try to calm myself down, a deep breath did help. Lastly, I understood the transaction. Learnt something new.

  At the lunch time, the others co-workers tried to console me, and finally I knew why she shouted at me. She's sick and forced to work, because no one can help her. Her works is too difficult for others. hahaha! Felt better, because the one who shouted at me actually taught me something new before. So, I can't accept she scolded me, because I personally think she is so nice!  :) 

  Today, I understand world doesn't exactly same like what you had imagined, you will face lots of difficulties and problems in the process you growing up and being mature. Accept what life gives you, and learn a new lesson from the process you solving the problem. Jesus will leads you, trust your heart, trust Jesus. 

  Tears, should not be shown easily. Don't tears down when you are sad, tears down when you're happy! <3

Right

  So far, everything seems okay right now. Life is going on at the right pathway. I am having a healthy life that I never had before. I have make a rule for myself, sleep before 12am everyday, wake up at 7.45am to prepare for work. I went for a swim whenever I wanted, even at night, even only alone. I just want to enjoy and relax myself before I am leaving to States. haha. I plan to go for Sauna and gym everyday this week onwards. How awesome my life is. If I want to get this life continuously, I have to study hard, and get a high paid job after graduate. I want to get myself an apartment which would have tennis, squash courts, sauna room, and swimming pool, just like the place I am living right now. Enjoyed enough! I don't wish that my apartment can be super super big, or having a luxurious renovation. I want a comfortable environment, renovation that can let me feel the warmness of HOME. This the the real meaning of HOME. A 4 rooms apartment is the best, a room for myself, a room for dad & mum, a room for grandmas, and a room prepared for my sisters brother when they want to overnight at my place. I didn't really understand how importance my family are for me, by time passes, and I getting older, I just understand how important they are. They are the most precious thing I have, the only people will support me whenever I need them.

  When I was in secondary school. I hate backstabber, lol but I am also backstabber sometimes. Please don't tell me you never gossip about people behind. I don't believe about this, except you are a perfect person. But best friends should never be backstabbed, they don't deserve this. You backstab the ones you are not really know them, because you don't know what they will think if you criticize them openly, you worry they will hate you after this. But trust me, best friends prefer you criticize them openly, rather than become a backstabber. This is what true friends will do. I would feel very angry if I was in secondary school, but now it's okay. lol. I always tell myself, "who never said about people bad things behind, just accept it, care about it will only makes me down, and spoil my mood. They will not have any feelings in response for your feelings". I am tired for friendship hurts. The most hurtful things I had in my life. Still feeling bad sometimes especially when I was viewing our photos. You don't feel hurtful as before anymore, just feel "melancholy". You will always ask yourself, if arguement never happened, how would we be now. Are we still best friends?

  Personally think I am getting mature, I mean mind. However, daily life just as usual. Still very blurred about the small things which my friends think they are very important. Qiu Li worries about me. She always told me, please grow up. Take care yourself. Cautious about everything happens in your life. Not all people you meet in your life are good. Sin Jo and Qiu Li even told me, someday you lost in US, don't phone us, we can't save you. I felt like want to cry that time, I only realize I am leaving. I can't phone them whenever I want. I will miss my family, and my friends. I feel blessed for their appearance in my life. Jesus, thank you for the grace.

  Today I went to Church with Felicia, Celine, Emma and Joyce. The priest told us a very meaningful story. When you are walking on the beach, you will found out the footsteps of you and Jesus on the beach, that time Jesus is besides you, guiding you, going through everything with you. But when you are facing difficulty, you will blame Jesus. Jesus, where are you when I am in difficulty, why you leave me alone. Actually, god embraces you, hold you up. So, you can only see the footsteps of yourself. Yes. Humans always blame god when we are facing difficulty, having a miserable life, but if you are having a blessed life, will you feel much thankful toward Jesus, as you blame god, no right? When you want something, like fortune, you will pray for God. However, when you do something wrong, you don't want get punished from God. Is it fair?

  Relationship. -.- Is it very weird for not having a boyfriend. lol. I didn't get why people always ask me am I having a boyfriend now. Life is still going on, even I am single right. I am just waiting for the right one, not waiting for the one who will accompanies me when I feel lonely. I can do many things whenever I feel lonely, instead of telling a man "I love you, I miss you, I wish you are here with me". Which girl doesn't wish she has a man who can protect her, provides her shoulder when she needs it. But a right one is always better than the best one. :)

  Don't fall into a relationship just because of you desperate for it, choose a right time and right person to fall with. <3

Guess that my blog stats gone crazy. 17 views yesterday? Where did it came from? -.- I only expect 2-3 views a day. Quite happy actually. lol.

Recently I was busy with my job. FYI I am working at PP Chin Hin since May 10, working in the Accounts Department. FML. It is bored. I have to face lots of numbers and journals everyday. I have to drive from Puchong to Kuchai Lama everyday, it takes me around 45 minutes, jammm. That's why I hate driving in KL. The happiest thing I had before my setting on my jobs, was I got a whole day shopping at Pavilion. Zara and Topshop were loved, but I only afforded to buy one or two pieces. TT

Yesterday was Mother's Day. I bought my mum a bouquet of Lilies. She thought I bought nothing, I actually surprised her. :P Then, we went to Midvalley for shopped, and had a celebration at Gardens Mall "迎春楼", a restaurant with "hak ka" dishes, quite nice actually, you guys should have a try next time. hahaha! And, I got Gong Cha today! I was craving for it for a damn long time. Damn it!! Feeling have one more of it when I am blogging. :'(

That's all for today! hahaha! No photos. Was using dekstop now. Will upload next time. :)