A rushing day

I had requested the cutest panda in the world to help me out on essay for Uni application, and he called me go to his house on Saturday night to discuss about it. HAHAHA. And I was so lazy to move out from my room, so I had rejected and promise him I will go Saturday morning, which was yesterday. Guess what. I ended up with overslept, because I sleep at morning. I woke up at 2pm, and rushed to take bath. After things well-prepared, I lapped my car to his house. BUT a 50 minutes journey, ended up using 2 hours+. THE GPS BORROWED from my housemate was noob I guessed. Actually.. is me noob. I am bad in recognize road, I always lost my direction. And I still had to wait for Huan Chin saves me at the end. And when I reached his home, it is 6.15pm, and he had to prepare for his friend's birthday party = We done nothing at all. Yeah! :(


Since, he was going to his friend's birthday party, I shouldn't stay in his home alone, so I was kicked out his house by him. LOL. And I was feeling hungry that time, I was so pity. AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DRIVE BACK NILAI WITHOUT FILLING UP MY HUNGRY. So, I called Qiu Li for having a dinner with me, but she have test on today, she was busying for the revision, so I was rejected. Luckily, she told me Yee Ling is still in KL!!!!! I thought she went back Alor Star. And I had been scolded by her, because I said I will call her for an outings at last weekend. HAHAHAHA! Sorry lah Yee Ling. I had chatted a lots with her, uhm. more than 2 hours I think. hahaha!! Memories were flashing in my brain. YEE LING, 你现在很有女人味！赞！

Here's the photo we taken when we were Form 2 for a trip, I guess. Forgot to take picture last night. Whatever, I realized we have changed a lots. Our skins are fairer now. LOL. 


Planning for a sunshine and beaches trip. Will take plenty of pictures, I swear. You know I know Yee Ling is a professional photographer, so I think I will have many nice photos throughout the trip! Stay tuned. :)

Reality is hurt.

Just wanna tell I got insomnia again. Really feel tired of all the things. Reality always hurts people, escaped from it or face it, chosen by us.

Afraid of facing others. Only those who love me understand me and stay beside me.

I can't stop being emo. Why? Why? Why? But at least I will not cry for people who are not worthy anymore! I swear I would not do it anymore!!!!! I will only treat them in this way >>>

Youngest brother

Yes!! As picture and title shown, today I'm gonna to blog about my youngest brother- Yee Shan. I love him! He is the smallest among our four, after me. I am the 3rd. Good!! I have one sister, and two brothers. I can say I am blessed, my oldest sister and younger brother love me, and they always protect what I like what I want, and I have one youngest brother to let me "bully". hahaha! I always call him do things for me, but I swear I didn't treat him as a slave, just as a maid. *evil laugh*

I can't tell how much thankful I am to have this youngest brother, I would like to thank my parents who brought him into my life. He always been there whenever I need him, he will cheer me up when I am sad. He is 15 years old now, and I am 19. You guys believe not, I can chat a phone call with him more than one hour, we can talk everything, my friends, his friends, and even his girlf, but he already broken up with his girlf.

I still remember, when I quarreled with my mum, he was the one who supported me, especially when my mum wanna slap me, he stood in front of me, just like a knight of me. Frankly speaking, I had also the period of rebellion, just like any teenager would have. I talked without manners, and I could say my attitude sometimes make my mum wanna kill me and throw me into the sea and teared by the shark into pieces. Of course, I am better now. I am stepping into adult world. 2 more years to graduate and participate in the labor force.

Back to the topic, I like to travel with him also, we can talk a lots and do crazy things along the trip to make our family members laugh. Feel like we were clowns! :p

I still remember when I was crying because of friendship problem, he knew I was damn sad, he hugged me and cried together with me. Such a sweet brother, right. I know he can feel my pain that time. He will cook sometimes, the horrible memory was he fried eggs with Milo one time, taste YUCKS.  We like to look around for foods, and eat until our stomaches look exactly like 3 months pregnancy. LOL. I am so jealous toward him, he is so slim, and fat always like to find me, I guess his fat has came to my place. XD

When I was form 2, my family all move to Perak, and I required to stay in Kedah as I can't adapt the environment there. Not even reach 3 months, he phoned me and told me he misses me, and he cried. My heart was bleeding that time, and two of us heard each other crying sound through the phone.

I will tell my brother everything happens in my life, whatever sad or happy. Some of my secrets only be knew by him among the family members. I am missing him now, can't wait to go back hometown to gather with him, and have a heart-chatting.

Oh yea. Our last sentence before ended the phone always be "Bye bye, I love you"

Lastly, I wanna shout out loudly: Baby, jie jie ai ni! yao guai guai du shu! Sayang!! <3

EX

Everyone can't escape the fate of being another's ex. Ex brought a lots of memories for us, bitter, sweet, happy, sad, and upset. We can say that, we can't forget who was ours ex. Maybe you will forget someone you liked, but ex will not, he exists in your memories, you exist in his memories.

Someone told me he can't put down his ex-girlf, he still misses her, but what can I help him. I am not him, I can't TOTALLY understand his feelings, I never been through the memories he created with his ex-girlf. Even though, I always told him, you must put down, you must forget her, you deserve better. But I wonder when can he do it, and sometimes I feel guilty to told him so. What I gave him was just a simple console, I am not sure whether he will think that I am only skimp on him not. But what I really wanna tell him is, be happy as far as you can. You know I will always support you right? :) You know who you are.

LOL. My ex. ZZZZZ. Not a good topic. I never had a good relationship before. The shortest, 3 hours. NOT REALLY WANNA TALK ABOUT HIM. The deepest one, is puppy love lah of course. Feeling so awkward to tell about him at here, actually I am not sure whether we had started or not. *bang wall*.

Frankly speaking, I need more courageous to start a relationship. I will regret after accept someone. NOT BECAUSE I THINK I AM CHARMING, ATTRACTIVE, AND I WILL GET WHAT I WANT EASILY. I am not a playgirl okay. I just have too many things need to take into consider, my family and our future. I don't want hurt my dad, and I don't want quarrel with my daddy because of a boy. My friends who knew me know that my dad loves me, and he always give me what he can give, the best he can give. I told him I want study overseas, he will work hard to save money for me, even he is in stress he never told me, but I can feel, I can know it. I can understand my dad scares that I will neglect my study after having a boyf. I also can't 100% GUARANTEE I can concentrate on my study after I have a boyf. FUTURE, the most important. I know it is ridiculous to think so far when I was in secondary school, but I can't stop myself to think about our future, and sometimes I can say it was over, I think until the marriage. You guys can imagine the ending, I ended up with single. Think too much right. I know it is hard to have a relationship which over lasting, but I just which that I can have it, maybe it is a fairy tale, I still want and believe it.

Tell you guys something, if someone I like him 1st, or to be secretly in love with tell me he likes me, I will ran away, and start to hate him. No reason. Just scared. Not by the person, but by a relationship. I have relationship phobia.

I am over-worry right? But still, single life is enjoyable although sometimes feel sad that no one can be hugged, kissed and the most important no one can miss when you 1st open your eyes in a day or before sleep!

爱还是寂寞。

我常常在想，当你拿起手机，渴望一个人发短信给你的时候，那是不是代表你爱上那个人了呢？还是你只是怀念那种与他互发短信的感觉，或者说，他能把你的寂寞除去的感觉。相信我，青春期的女生总会把爱和喜欢混淆，这是每个女生都必须经历过的过程。

你有没有那种以为自己很爱某个人的感觉，但当他属于了某个人，你发觉到你并不如想象中的那么痛，那么伤，过些时日，你还是会恢复到你以往的生活模式，别人以为你爱的很潇洒，你自己也以为你自己是个拿得起放得下的人。但当你长了岁月、智慧，你会发现到，原来你当初爱的，是他的陪伴，不是他的人。

如果说，与一个男人互发短信有了些时日，就算爱上那个人，那当初的我不就爱上很多人。其实当时的我只是喜欢有人陪伴的感觉，是我把感觉复杂化。男女之间真的会有纯友谊的，不一定会某一方会爱上某一方的。

现在的女生并不比以前的笨，反而聪明了许多，但有一点就是他妈的没长进，就是会为所爱的男人付出一切。有些女生还是会因为“如果你爱我，就给我”这句话愚蠢地付出自己这一生最珍贵的东西，给了就忘不了了，一生都会往不了当初那个在你心上刻上深深的印的男人。过些时日，某些不负责任的男人，会因为腻了，而把女生甩掉，某些没品的，会到处宣扬那女的是有多随便，多容易让人上。拜托，你讲这句话之前，有没有想过你当初是怎样把人家哄上床的，你不负责任，稍微可以得到人家的原谅，但你那么没品，你就应该下地狱。久了，每个人都会把传言越传越难听，说到那女人就有如潘金莲那么淫荡。久了，那女人就会觉得，反正我的名誉都被破坏地彻底了，我怎样做好，别人还是会用以往的眼光看我，那我干嘛要变好。身边的人就会发觉到，她的男友，通常都是前男友的好朋友，而前前男友又是前前前男友的好朋友。这种例子，我遇过。以前，我也是在想，为什么那女孩为什么要这样地做贱自己，当我长大了，我顿然发现，当初导致她那样做的原因，不就是因为我们这些旁观者加诸在她身上的谣言吗？

真正爱你的人，会为你好，不会以爱为借口，要你奉献你最宝贵的东西。女生也要学习保护自己最珍贵的东西，把东西留给值得的男人。或许你会觉得那男人值得，但是给了就要负责人。没了那一层不代表你是个婊子，没必要觉得自己的人生毁了。

愿，心中有这种痛的女人可以坚强。:)

English.Chinese.Feelings.Life

I do not really like blogging in English, not because I hate English, just feel that I can't express WELL what I think and I want through English, as Chinese is my mother tongue *laugh* Lecturers told: You guys should have journal writing everyday in ENGLISH to improve yours English, you guys English sucks. Fine. I admit it, and there's why I got a low band score for my IELTS. Should work hard on the next English paper, TOEFL. Most people told me, TOEFL will be harder, oh shit, I can't imagine how much I will suffer throughout the day, that is April 14. 

Hrmmmmmmmmm... 

And I always trying to make my blog more interesting by the way record my daily life through pictures, and I am failed. Probably, this caused by my life was boring, and I didn't have the habits to bring camera when outings and snap all things on those days. So, the people who follow my blog will find out I mostly blogging about my FEELINGS, not LIFE. And, I decided to maintain my STYLE. *winks*

Continue to the next post, hahaha.. 

Memories.

It is 5.12am now. And I'm still awake. I don't know why I can't have a proper and nice sleep recently. Or I should say can't have a good sleep when I was am I Nilai. Maybe back to here, a place which symbolized as a for of stress for me, which caused by STUDY stuffs. I know I'm bad, I never try my best in everything, study, relationship, and friendship. What I will do when one of these appear any crack is give up. I am a person who will really give up things easily, and I admit it. Should talk about my IELTS speaking test here, haha. I'm failed. I can't speak Nnglish very smoothly in front or behind people. Maybe I'm lack of confidence? I think so. ._. Bad dreams happened.I dislike it. Sin Jo, you know what am I talking about right? qiu Li, I am dry, and I agree it. Because, I will recall the old times when I was hearingnthe old songs. Just like the emoness overwhelms me in one second. But I guess I am getting better right now, at least I will not cry without any reason at midnight right now. Friends always stand an important place in my heart. I am a person who hard to make friend, if I make friend with you, I mean heart with heart, I will treat you as my best friend. Only two choices for me, one the best friend, one the normal fiend. Best will be best best best friend! :D That's why I hard to find a friend in INTI. Lol. I think in this world, only a few people know me very well and I appreciate them. Huan Chin Chan, you jerk. You always didn't comply with your promise. Wtf.    