Tuesday, April 10, 2012


其实,我算是一个坚强依赖性很强的女生,我能活在这个世界上知道我18岁又6个月我真的要非常感谢我身边的朋友,无论是家人或朋友,他们都是那种很会保护别人的类型。虽然他们每次都会骂我很迷糊,太过于依赖,可是他们还是死命地帮我,不会丢下我。

来到了大学,依赖性还是不能减少。爸爸对我太好了,只要我说我想他,他都会开两个小时的车带妈妈来找我,陪我吃东西。每次他们要回的时候,我的心都酸酸的。看着他们的背影,车子慢慢远离我的视线,不是第一次的经验了,可是那种感觉还是会存在。以前中学的时候,总想着要快点离开家里。爸爸妈妈一直吵架,真的很烦、很烦,我还记得我去过一个教育展,有个人对我说“你看起来就是那种若有机会,肯定会直接打包行李,离开家里。”那时候的我并不否认。我家里的事情真的很多很多,每次我都很压抑。当我告诉熊猫的时候,他每次都告诉我:“忍一忍,过了中五,你就可以远离这一切了。”损友!哈哈。其实那个时候如果没有熊猫、秋秋、欣柔在我身边,我真的会因为太过压抑而想不开。所以,他们对我来说真的是那种很重要很重要的朋友,那种我一辈子都不会忘记的朋友。他妈的,越写越感动。哈哈哈。真的很谢谢他们!:)后来,我才发觉到,离开家里不是一件很开心的事,至少没有我想象中那么开心。当第一天,我爸爸送我进学校宿舍的时候,他红着眼眶叮咛我一定要好好照顾自己的时候,我才发觉我真的长大了,不能在躲在爸爸的羽翼下一辈子受到保护,我是时候长大了,将来好好保护我的的父母。我离开家里的时候,妈妈哭着抱住我,帮我收拾行李。我才知道,虽然他们一直吵架,可是对我的爱从来没有少过。去年我跌倒,脚扭伤,痛到我不能走路的时候,爸爸送我去医院打了止痛药,然后送我会学校宿舍,到了半夜我想上厕所的时候,我一拐一拐地走到厕所,我在厕所崩溃大哭,真的真的很难过。喝水的时候,也要一拐一拐的走去,那时候我真的很想我的弟弟。如果我在家的话,他肯定会服侍我像个大小姐这样,肯本不用走下床,那时候,天天躲在被子里哭。我才知道家人有多么地重要。在家的时候根本不会珍惜,以为一切都是理所当然的,离开了,就像鱼离开了水,要多么的挣扎。

申请大学的时候,资料爸爸会准备给我,我奔波,爸爸也跟着奔波。学校要求作文,熊猫会帮我,虽然他真的很厉害拖,可是最后也是帮我完成。他是那种嘴巴非常毒的朋友,帮了我,还要骂我,用箭射我,虽然我知道他为我好,可是真的很伤好不好。他说“你必须做点努力,要不然,我真的不知道你怎样在美国生存。”还有依琳,她也是自告奋勇要帮我。我身边有这样多守护神,我什么时候才能真正成长,我怀疑。我的脾气很臭,很容易生气。身边的朋友都是那种脾气很好很好的人。欣柔和秋丽都是。欣柔是那种对我发了脾气,还会跟我道歉的人,虽然事情很明显都是我的错。秋丽是那种大姐大,像母鸡,而我和欣柔就像小鸡每次跟她诉苦。秋丽非常地担心我,正确来说是每个人都很担心我到了美国会不会出什么事情,就连我自己也是。时间越接近,我越不安。当初是我坚持要出外留学,可是现在怕的是我。

我不是那种很爱哭的人,不会因为身体上受到伤害而哭的人,除非真的很痛。我看电影会哭,可是不代表我很爱哭。可是我的朋友家人永远都弄我哭,不是因为他们伤了我,是因为他们都很好。我不是一个很好很好的女生、朋友,可是他们依然不离不弃。每次我伤心的时候,在身边的永远是家人很朋友。

我第一次感觉到生离死别的时候,是外公离开的时候,那个假期的时候,知道爸爸妈妈很忙,会驾着休旅车,带我们四个小瓜,去瀑布,水晶山玩的人。有时候我真的觉得上帝很不公平,明明外公做了很多很多的好事,为什么要那么早走,而且还要那么地痛哭。癌症永远都是那么的折磨,你们懂得那种因为身体的某处皮肤被癌细胞感染,必须切除,然后又要把另一身体的皮肤切下来然后补上去的痛苦吗?而且,不是一次的手术,而是很多很多次。还要做化疗,人生最后的日子都是在医院进进出出地度过。他好美食,可是他必须因为要跟死神搏斗,控制饮食。明明很痛苦,可是他必须坚持,因为他放不下。放不下他的孩子,放不下他的孙子、孙女。离开的时候真的很不能接受,那时候也是有朋友在身边,通过电话安慰,而不是一个人面对。家里的大人有太多的事情忙,他们没有时间告诉你生离死别是很平常,没时间安慰你失去家人的痛哭,因为他们也很痛。
我不懂这一篇的主题是什么,或许只是突然又感触,突然很想写些关于身边的人的东西。人总要学会成长,我不确定我做不做得到,但我会努力。把自己的羽翼练得强一些,以后换我保护你们。我也想告诉你们我会很好很好,你们不用担心我。在天国的阿公和公公也会保护我的。

爸爸妈妈姐姐哥哥弟弟婆婆阿嬤欣柔怡雯秋丽依琳焕晋永远都是身边对我很好很好的人那种值得我放在心上的人家人友谊永远都是我最想珍惜的东西

Friday, April 6, 2012

Gonna dating with YeeLing, Qiu Li and Cathleen tomorrow! Recently skin quality is worse, have to apply mask and skin care to save it! I wish to welcome the dating with bright skin, charming smile tomorrow! hahah!

Stay Tuned.. :)

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Jealousy doesn't make you better off.





I forget where I heard from, the 1st moment after you wake up, you have to smile to welcome the day! hahaha!  So, I done something lame today, I took a mirror and give it a large and sunshine smile! My mood, yes! Definitely, it becomes better than the previous days I had.

I have to sit for two tests tomorrow, US History and Accounting, and I still have many chapters need to "absorb" into my brain. I know, I probably can't finish my US History, but I will try my best not to skip any chapters and don't be panic. These few days, I can't concentrate on my studies, laziness is overwhelming me, and these subjects are stressing me out. :( I would rather sit in front of my laptop, scrolling up and down on Facebook than studies. I felt no moods recently, and talked to Xiao Di make me feel better. A best cousin I ever had.

Yes, we know there's somebody who talked about us. "Aiya, their result not so good, why they can study abroad? Because their parents have money!" Hey, is there any point to make you happy for making this comment? Why you can judge us from yours perspective! We know we are not smart, but we will work hard. Our parents are also working hard to get the MONEY to send us overseas study! You use your precious time to comment about us, why you don't want use your time to work hard for a scholarship! Maybe we had done many charities in our last lives, so we deserve to born in these families! I know that is also no point for me to care about your jealousy, but I only want to consult you for work hard if you are reading my blog and you commented on us before! :)

Jealousy doesn't make you look smarter, prettier or even handsome, it makes you ugly! So, please care about your inner beauty!

The day is nearer, and I have been struggling. I feel scared. Thanks to those who supporting me, give me psychological support. You guys are awesome! I will never forget how good you guys treated me! <3

Okay! Should back to my US History now! bye! People, enjoy your good day! Smile to welcome every day! :)




Monday, April 2, 2012

DREAMT!!

I DREAMT him again! What the hell was happening!! The fifth time. FML!

T_____T I don't want! Go away please go away please GO AWAY PLEASE!

You should not participate in my life, and even my dream!

FML FML FML FML!

I rather dreamt a dinosaur, but not YOU!

Helpless!!!!! Helpless!! Damn!! Damn!! Damn!!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

时机

你是对的人,却在错的时候,错的地点出现.....

爱情的开始,需要的不只是感觉,更重要的是时间。

高中的爱情,对父母来说是错,感觉在反对下会渐渐消磨。
错误的爱情,对两人来说是伤害,鼓起勇气拥抱反而会刺伤对方。

为了爱情,伤害了父母,值得吗?当爱情的快乐倒塌了,甜蜜毁坏了,我们究竟还剩下什么呢?父母永远都是这世上最不会离弃我们的。我的老师曾经告诉我,更你渡过余生的是你的另一半,你的父母总会离开的,你必须自己决定你的未来,不要让人左右你的人生。没错,但我的上半生是谁成功建立给我的,我无忧的生活,都是我的父母给我的。如果那男人无法说服我父母,无法等到我们成长的时候,那他值得吗?值得我为了他去和我父母吵架吗?我爸爸永远都是我最最最重要的人,有人说,爸爸的规定,我全都跟从,很笨蛋!可是,我不觉得!他是我爸爸,他不会伤害我的。

错过那个人,是很遗憾,但更多的是庆幸不是吗?因为他等不了,只是证明了他对我的爱不够坚定。

三者的爱情,对三人来说是错,爱情会变成恨。
错误的爱情,双人的床,三个人显得太拥挤。

一个朋友 J,明明有了男朋友,却还是喜欢上另一个男生H。而H坚持“每个人都有权利追求自己的幸福”。两个人,就在正牌男友不知道的情况下开始了属于他们自己两个的爱情。他们是很幸福,但那个被蒙在鼓里的呢?J说,只要一天没结婚,她都有权利做最好的选择。我不懂谁对谁错,我不是法官。可是,我坚持,爱情是对等对称的。渐渐地,H无法忍受他只是一个地下情人,就算当初的他为了她是愿意的。渐渐地,他要求越来越多,他看到正牌男友和J在面子书上甜蜜的合照,他不能公开的表现出他的妒忌。若他在J和正牌男友的POST留下任何的留言,会被骂。渐渐地,他的爱情被失望消磨了,他向J提出了分手,J无法接受。J说,既然你不能忍受,为什么当初你还要和我开始,你已经知道了不是吗?你难道不能为我坚持吗?

我今天告诉J,H有新的女朋友,J还是会伤心,很伤心。可是,她依然选择贪心的希望拥有两个,J贪恋正牌给的热情,H给的体贴。J希望他们两者都能合一,可是他们是个体,不是吗?J曾经告诉我,当她和H在一起过后,她不能忍受正牌的亲吻。谢谢J,她让我相信,心不能分成两半。尽管她对爱情的态度并不纯洁。

初恋的爱情,对两人来说是难忘,爱情永远停留在那回忆中。
甜蜜的爱情,往后的追忆,是苦涩抑是甜蜜?

我朋友问我,为什么,我们已经分手了,我还是会想她呢?就算她有了男朋友。其实,我也希望有人能帮我解答。另一个朋友则说,我还是很喜欢我的初恋,就算后来我和别的女生在一起,但我知道我还是喜欢她,当初的我们并不是在性格不合的情况下而分手,而是因为父母的反对。

就因为没能真正地走到最后,这不值得是吗?感觉依然存在。他说已过了那么多年,不确定自己和对方还有没有机会,尤其在他跟对方的好朋友在一起过后。他说自己笨,兜兜转转才发现,在自己心里的依旧是最初的那个人。我说,你要等到你确定的时候在告诉她吗?万一她有了新的男朋友呢,你怎么办?那时候,时机再也不会站在你这边,就算被拒绝了,你也不会有遗憾了不是吗?

其实想一想当初的自己也是很勇敢的,喜欢就说,就算结局不是我能控制的,但是目前为止,我的人生还是没有因为爱情而导致的遗憾。不要在意别人的眼光,勇敢点。就算外人认为你很随便,很恶心,可是你对得起自己不是吗?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

A post starting with a BAD word

CIBAI. The days before today were definitely not the days of me. Lady luck was not with me. I lost my wallet on the 1st day of 2012, and today today, although I was not really a victim, but this incident does spoil my mood. MALAYSIA, why are you not so harmony as other countries be. I didn't require you be 100% safe country among the world, but at least, 90%. What the hell is happening on the public security recently? NAJIB, can you don't fucking hell approve those foreign workers who do not get the REAL working permit exist in Malaysia? MY REAL is have to undergo lots of interview, and confirm they didn't have any conviction record in their mother country. I do understand they need to earn money for their family, and MALAYSIA is a not bad choice for them to work here! But how about the people in MALAYSIA, how about our safety!! Do you even care about our feelings and safety! FUUU! You this mother fucker. LOL. Guess that I am going to in jail if he read this post one day! BUT now I don't really give a damn on him!!

You guys know what had happened on my HOUSE today, a masked black man robbed my housemate! What the hell right? My housemate was sitting in the living room with her laptop on, the black man without DICK (Don't ask me why I know it! I know it because I do believe only man without DICK will do this cheap thing!) CAME inside my house without PERMISSION, and he TOOK my housemate's laptop without asking her PERMISSION also. And this mother fucker without dick still used a knife to threaten my housemate. And, he just flee away with his partner on motorcycle after that!! And it's 8.30pm

I can't believe our country is so so so so mull, so shameful!!! I am so jealous of my Hong Kong friend who can't simply hang out without locked her door for a day! It's just blink of eyes, the robber came into my house. After I went out with my parents, the mother fucker came inside already. CIBAI.

PS: Take care for you safety, make sure you lock your door, even though you just wanna leave your house for 1 minute!

I curse you!! You will not get rich in your entire life!!! Your wage will only be RM0.10 for the rest of your life!!


Sunday, March 11, 2012

A rushing day

I had requested the cutest panda in the world to help me out on essay for Uni application, and he called me go to his house on Saturday night to discuss about it. HAHAHA. And I was so lazy to move out from my room, so I had rejected and promise him I will go Saturday morning, which was yesterday. Guess what. I ended up with overslept, because I sleep at morning. I woke up at 2pm, and rushed to take bath. After things well-prepared, I lapped my car to his house. BUT a 50 minutes journey, ended up using 2 hours+. THE GPS BORROWED from my housemate was noob I guessed. Actually.. is me noob. I am bad in recognize road, I always lost my direction. And I still had to wait for Huan Chin saves me at the end. And when I reached his home, it is 6.15pm, and he had to prepare for his friend's birthday party = We done nothing at all. Yeah! :(


Since, he was going to his friend's birthday party, I shouldn't stay in his home alone, so I was kicked out his house by him. LOL. And I was feeling hungry that time, I was so pity. AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO DRIVE BACK NILAI WITHOUT FILLING UP MY HUNGRY. So, I called Qiu Li for having a dinner with me, but she have test on today, she was busying for the revision, so I was rejected. Luckily, she told me Yee Ling is still in KL!!!!! I thought she went back Alor Star. And I had been scolded by her, because I said I will call her for an outings at last weekend. HAHAHAHA! Sorry lah Yee Ling. I had chatted a lots with her, uhm. more than 2 hours I think. hahaha!! Memories were flashing in my brain. YEE LING, 你现在很有女人味!赞!


Here's the photo we taken when we were Form 2 for a trip, I guess. Forgot to take picture last night. Whatever, I realized we have changed a lots. Our skins are fairer now. LOL. 


Planning for a sunshine and beaches trip. Will take plenty of pictures, I swear. You know I know Yee Ling is a professional photographer, so I think I will have many nice photos throughout the trip! Stay tuned. :)